Barely there, Confessions of an ordinary day

When death arrives

If i die – which i certainly will, some day – be sure to remember my complete and unfit smile in the box of my face, like if it was pasted there, out of a face bigger than mine. Yes! It was actually my smile and i enjoyed the fact that it was big, shiny and almost sarcastic kind of look – though it was always real!

When i die, that could happen any moment from now – as we will never know when the half of our lifes was -; remember that being this earthquake of intense activity, intense energy, permanent thinking and changing everything, gave me a lot lot lot of joy!

i also got to find joy in how annoying this was for some people! Yayyy! I hell did! And how incredibly fulfilled i felt by every single thing i chose.

Inertia was never made for me. I, as a chaser, always chose to actively DO things, learn things, hangout with people that helped out my brain in not getting bored, or lazy, or whatever… hated the lack of depth in people’s eyes, hated small talk. – Ok, maybe didn’t hated it, it just blew off my inner incapability of being comprehensive torward flat people – i am sorry for that… sooo many concepts in my small head!

…and so, when i die, please, laugh of all the silly things i did, even when being warned, because i assure you i did laugh also for my stubbornness!

i enjoyed my character, i made it, i carefully – well, sometimes impulsively – created myself to be unfit, to be wreckless, to be forward thinker.

I enjoyed it! Yayy!! Life’s been such a trip for conciusness, of music – that made every single part of my body dance – of friends, and discussion, and ideas, experiences, such a blast!

When everyone else was still struggling for what they didn’t do, didn’t learn, didn’t achieve, i was, every single day of my life, reinventing myself, and the path, and the way, and the now!

When i die, there will be no regrets for my mistakes, or the things i had no time left to win over, there will be not even a whispered thought that feels sorry in my soul. – That was it! Awesome! – I can truly leave, now!

I said all the things i wanted to say.. – never holded my feelings or hide my emotions – even when some times that was not a good idea – hahahaha – but, who cares?!!!

I told people i love them, i ran away from places, and also i ran into places just because i was feeling an urge to do so! Damn!!! What an intense journey has been to live – every single day of my life – with myself.

When I die – which i am not looking for, but definitely not scared about it – whenever that happens, be sure i never holded a bad or harm feeling about any human being. Boredom perhaps, but never hate, shame, anger, etc. I just don’t have space for those, as I’ve been so full of Awe, for everything, as a explorer kid, the sunsets – Oh!!! those really got me -, landscapes, mountains, animals, people, designs, architecture, etc…

Very likely autistic from me! Hahahahha, What the hell, i did like it mostly because it’s made my everyday just not boring.

And well, i suffered also, but not for long, not forever, just when i had to, and then i moved on, not to recall those days as a survivor that needs to appeal to other people’s empathy – what for?!!! – but as a stronger, human being that knows herself even better… and i love that!

When I die, please, don’t make a big deal about it. Keep whatever you want to keep from me. Don’t make a circled drama around a dead flesh, give my things away! Regret nothing. If you were here, i feel you, if you were not, there’s nothing that could be done and we should be grateful for that as well!

Plant a tree, hug a stranger, tell yourself you are awesome – and believe that – and then, just keep walking.

Showing off your wounds will not make them dissapear, let them rest. Wash your face. Go jump!

That’s what life is all about anyways, be sure to live the one you have, without leaving things to solve later. Later, does not exist!

I had this dream, and wanted to share it! Because tomorrow never happens!


“Love, Peace and some herbs please!”